Pictures-N-Words

TRIGGER WARNING! Grief, Infant and child loss, NICU No one has the market on grief. No one has the perfect guidebook on how to navigate it either. There is no right or wrong way really, just maybe some better ways to deal with it. Mostly you just have to do what works for you. I’ll have to admit, after Harper died, I struggled with God over my feelings. I knew on one hand, Harper had saved my daughter’s life (Harper’s mom), but on the other hand, how could something so precious be taken so soon. He was just too perfect for this world. His mommy told me that, and that’s what I believe. You see, in early 2015 her boyfriend committed suicide. And the grief in the house was so thick you could barely move. I sat in my office working, and crying between client calls because in her bedroom, my sweet heartbroken daughter was violently sobbing. Guilt, what ifs and just plain old unadulterated sadness permeated her heart and mind. Her dad and I encouraged her to seek professional help bec...

I don’t really celebrate Christmas. I celebrate Christ’s birth every day of my life by thanking God for my faith, and for all He has done for me. But the whole shopping frenzy, “got to have this or that” and “who can out do who” bit leaves me empty. Money can’t buy Christmas, it can’t buy the things that most of our hearts truly desire. It does bring us joy to see our little ones happy, when they’ve received a gift they want, but deep down that joy doesn’t go far. I’ll admit, I wasn’t really sure my heart would make it to this first Christmas without our little Angel Harper. It’s been a very rough 11 1/2 months. If anyone ever tells you that grief doesn’t take a physical toll on you (in addition to the emotional one), they are a liar. I tried grief counseling. She diagnosed me with “Unresolved grief”. Well duh. Isn’t that basically what grief is. UNRESOLVED??? How do you resolve that? How do you resolve the hurt, anger, bitterness of loss, loneliness, resentment, guilt and 100’s...

I had a very dear friend ask me this today about the loss of my precious grandson Harper - "How did you get thru that Rhonda. I cannot imagine walking out without him. Did you ever lose it?? How do you manage the pain every day?" This was my reply~ "I would have rather walked off a cliff into a pit of burning lava than to have walked out of that hospital with an empty car seat. It was, and still is the most terrible thing I have ever experienced. I can't really tell you how we did it, how we continue to do it. It's certainly not by our own accord. We have had so many people praying and honestly I believe that's the ONLY thing that has sustained us. And if Beka is strong and continues to go on, how can I not? A huge part of my heart is missing, it will never be replaced. I know he is still here somewhere, not only in our hearts. I would never want him back for me, just to have him have to go through all he had ahead of him though. More surgeries, dia...

I used to tell God (that is after He started allowing troubling things to happen in my life) that if anything I was going through would enable me to one day help someone else, bring it on! Growing up with an alcoholic father with a bad temper, getting a divorce, finding out my daughter was addicted to heroin-all of that. I was ready to take one for the team, so to speak. But not this. Not learning to love the baby inside my now-sober daughter's growing belly, only to become so in love with him that the mere thought of how much fun I would have as a Nana made my heart swell and my feelings leak out my eyes. Not the seeing him struggle to survive in, then out of the NICU, then after multiple procedures, only to lose him early one morning to an unseen bacteria that clouded his already compromised lung. Not that. I don't want to have to learn how to deal with that type of grief. I don't want to tell others "It will get better", "Time will heal you" and al...

Someone once asked me, " What is it you enjoy so much about taking pictures?" It's hard to describe really, and maybe that's why I've never done it as a true profession. Because for me taking pictures is really truly more about just capturing a moment in time, the blink of an eye, the nuance of a look, the expression of a certain emotion ( whether it be human or animal) or the beauty of a particular sight that moves me so I want to share with everyone. I once read a post about the importance of taking pictures, even if you have to pay someone to take your family pictures. It was from a woman who had lost her husband prematurely in an accident. The only pictures they had as a family were pictures that she had paid to have someone take. She mentioned how no amount of money now that he was gone, would have ever been too much to pay for those memories. That because she had done so, her young children have many pictures to remember their father by. And even if they we...

Yes-you heard me-Fifty AND Fabulous!  I turned 50 this year, and I am feeling fabulous!  I know people may look at me and/or my life, and think, "How can her life be fabulous? She is alone at 50, and not in the greatest shape. How can THAT be fabulous?"  Well, let me enlighten you folks.  I recently read this article , and it got me to thinking. Why do we let what others think of how we look, or how we "should" look impact us so?  I am loving the 2nd chapter of my life so much. Not to say I didn't love the first, it was just very different. 50 is MINE! No matter what shape I am in, what someone thinks I should or shouldn't do, look like or who I should love, etc.  I won't let anyone take it away from me either. I may not be someone else's perception of perfect, but I only care about the opinion of One, and He loves me no matter what.  It's so sad that we think we deserve less, or others think we deserve less because of our shape, our co...

For the 3rd time in my life, I have moved to a state where I knew no, or few people. When I recently moved to Charleston, my daughter was already living here. But I have previously moved to 2 states where I knew only the person I was working for. While that sort of thing might scare some people, it's holds an strange excitement for me. I am the type of person who can meet people and make friends anywhere. My good friend MW used to tell me in Atlanta, "everywhere we go you see someone you know". It happened a lot. But here, I am meeting new people, with their own stories and interesting facts to tell. Saturday, being as windy as it was, I set off for Folly Beach, sure that I would find the crazy surfers. Nothing seems to deter them, and I was in the mood to take some pictures. Behind the lens is one of my most fave places to be, and I was needing some of that therapy. But on my way I turned down a road I had seen several times, and my curiosity finally got the best of me. ...