Showing posts from December, 2016

Lifetime Sentence~

TRIGGER WARNING! Grief, Infant and child loss, NICU No one has the market on grief. No one has the perfect guidebook on how to navigate it either. There is no right or wrong way really, just maybe some better ways to deal with it. Mostly you just have to do what works for you. I’ll have to admit, after Harper died, I struggled with God over my feelings. I knew on one hand, Harper had saved my daughter’s life (Harper’s mom), but on the other hand, how could something so precious be taken so soon. He was just too perfect for this world. His mommy told me that, and that’s what I believe. You see, in early 2015 her boyfriend committed suicide. And the grief in the house was so thick you could barely move. I sat in my office working, and crying between client calls because in her bedroom, my sweet heartbroken daughter was violently sobbing. Guilt, what ifs and just plain old unadulterated sadness permeated her heart and mind. Her dad and I encouraged her to seek professional help bec

Merry Life~

I don’t really celebrate Christmas. I celebrate Christ’s birth every day of my life by thanking God for my faith, and for all He has done for me. But the whole shopping frenzy, “got to have this or that” and “who can out do who” bit leaves me empty. Money can’t buy Christmas, it can’t buy the things that most of our hearts truly desire. It does bring us joy to see our little ones happy, when they’ve received a gift they want, but deep down that joy doesn’t go far. I’ll admit, I wasn’t really sure my heart would make it to this first Christmas without our little Angel Harper. It’s been a very rough 11 1/2 months. If anyone ever tells you that grief doesn’t take a physical toll on you (in addition to the emotional one), they are a liar. I tried grief counseling. She diagnosed me with “Unresolved grief”. Well duh. Isn’t that basically what grief is. UNRESOLVED??? How do you resolve that? How do you resolve the hurt, anger, bitterness of loss, loneliness, resentment, guilt and 100’s