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Sunny Side Up~

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My sister and I grew up as fair skinned, freckle faced red headed kids, back before sunscreen or skin cancer was much of a concern to anyone. In my 20s I was even more careless by regularly going to tanning beds. But in the last 20 years I've become a religious and faithful user of good sunscreen.  I was careless last weekend and got the worst burn I've had in probably that many years. It resulted in sun poisoning; nausea, chills, blisters and immense pain. Even over 1 week later, I am still getting new blisters!! Did you know that the wonderful tan you think is God's way of making you look better, is actually your body's way of trying to protect your skin from the harmful burning rays!!!  And too much sun/tanning, results in more wrinkles and a leathery appearance to your skin. And just because you "tan well", doesn't mean your skin won't benefit from using sunscreen. It can still help block out harmful rays.

 (In case you don't know how links wo…

Keep Reaching~

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"Meet me halfway!", she said. I mulled it over, and wanted so badly to say no, to tell her that I needed to stay home. But I said yes. It's was actually painful at first, and even since that yes a few days ago, my inner demons have wreaked havoc on my decision.  Those demons said "you can get out of it, tell her you're not feeling well." I know it's the right thing to do. For many reasons. My coworker-turned-good friend is on my side of the Mississippi visiting family. This is her last free day, and she invited me. ME! To come spend the day with her. forget the fact that she has to drive over 4 hours to do it. Another reason I need to do this is because I've become too comfortable.  Depression tricks you that way. It says " Oh go ahead, sleep all day, no one cares. No one will miss your presence, and your body needs it!" Depression cuddles your brain into a comfy ball of believing that nothing is important, that it's just too much work…

Into the light~

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I woke up this morning, well really this afternoon. Depression does that to you, it makes you sleep and time sort of irrelevant. But I woke up feeling a bit different today. The difference is I'm feeling a bit more normal. My new normal, but a lighter feeling. Like the clouds are starting to open up, and the Son is coming out again. Yes, I meant to type SON.  I've said all along since losing Harper that I have no idea how people survive such loss without a relationship with Christ. Or a relationship with some sort of Higher Power. My Higher Power just happens to be Jesus Christ. I decided this morning, instead of my regular country music, for the next 30 days I will only listen to songs about God. Whether they be old or new, they will only speak about God and what He can and does do for me. So the first one that came on when I turned on the music was this one. I LOVE IT! It's called Shoulders by a group called for King & Country. I've only listed the first verse or…

Where does your heart live?

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I know, I know. You're probably thinking, " Well in my chest of course!". No, I'm not talking about it's physical home. I am talking about WHERE does your heart live figuratively speaking. If you asked me right now, I would tell you that I am not sure where, or even how my heart is living. My heart used to live in the area of faith and compassion, with side streets of empathy and love, cul-de-sacs of understanding and belief.  But now all of those areas are under construction. That's what happens when we undergo a life changing event such as the loss of a baby, grandchild or really any one you love more than yourself. Because let's be honest, the people you love more than yourself in this world are very few. So few that they make up such large parts of your heart, that when they leave there are huge sinkholes. Huge, black endless holes that suck and destroy everything that gets close enough to the edge. Losing my grandson Harper created one of those sinkh…

Life isn't always a beach~

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Sometimes it's a swamp or a fire.....


You've heard the saying I'm sure, "Life's a Beach!". Well, I am here to tell you, that's not always true. And coming from someone who lives near the beach, you should listen to me. I know this from experience. Sometimes life is a swamp. A wetland of wild things that will eat and destroy you if you aren't careful. Don't get me wrong, I  love the swamp, and in real life you can often find me there. Something about the cycle of life there, and the creatures in it mesmerize me.  Surrounding these swamps sometimes are wildlife management areas.  Driving thru one for my first time, I saw areas with trees blackened from the ground up, with charred ground and little brush around them and thought, "Oh no! There was a fire here!". Well, I was correct, there had been a fire, but it was a "controlled burn". 
Controlled burns (also known as prescribed burning), are used in forestry management. YOu can re…

440 days.

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I am in the last stages of cleaning the bedroom my daughter shared with her medically fragile son Harper. She shared a room in my home with him because this is where they needed to be. We didn't make him a nursery in another room because she didn't want to be out of his sight. Now looking back, I know even if he'd been perfectly healthy, she still would have chosen for that to be the case. Their bond, and love was instant-like nothing I had ever witnessed. I was truly privileged to see these 2 lives intertwined.  








In Harper's room, there are reminders at every turn.  I dealt with this same sort of thing last weekend while cleaning my own room. Tiny socks, blankets, outfits and medical supplies. Literally seem to pop out at me from every nook and cranny. It's almost as if he's playing peek-a-boo with me. But THIS room. It's the one where we took turns for countless hours holding him, rocking him, bathing him (which he hated so he always peed on us, and we wou…

Nurses~

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I know some people think nurses are "just doing their job" when they are at work. But let me tell you, they do way more than their job and so much more than they are ever required to. Nurses will rock and comfort your sick crying grandbaby when his mommy has to go home to get some rest. Nurses will hug you when you don't even realize you need a hug, prompting rivers of tears from exhaustion and heartache. Nurses will gently and lovingly teach you how to bathe your days old baby in the NICU, so you have a chance to do it in case the worst happens and you never get to do it again. Nurses will smile even when they themselves are exhausted because they know you need it. They will laugh with you, rejoice with you, empathize with you, teach you and cry for/with you. Nurses who've only known your child since they came through the ER doors will cry when there's nothing else that can be done. Those same nurses will line the halls with smiling faces when your loved one ge…