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Another round.

Another round of life for me and my friends. Just as no one likes to drink alone, no one likes to do much alone, whether it's good or bad. Bad situations just seem more bearable when you're not alone, and we as humans like to share the good with others around us too. Am I right? I had to have costly repairs on my cute car who I've affectionately name Blue Betty. I got her back today, blessed to have an amazing friend who made the repairs possible. I oooed and ahhhed over her, cleaned her inside and out, wiped everything down since it smelled a bit "mechanic-y", and took her to my favorite car wash to cleanse her new self.  Oh, got off track there. Did I say how happy I am to have my car back?? Anyway, for a couple of years have been driving ride share, to make extra money for trips I wanna take and for special things I wanna buy. It also helps get me out of the house to meet people and engage with others face-to-face. It's just a part time gig but I've th…

NOT as clear as glass.........

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There are so many things I could have named this particular post; One Day at a Time, Don't Weight, yaddy yaddy ya, so on and so forth. It's a long one-so grab some coffee, a comfy chair and sit for a spell. I know I've been silent for way too long.

I am about to be very raw with you, and I am not referring to vegetables. Thank you to one particular person I spoke to this morning at length, for squeezing this post, raw but true, out of me. And let me preface the rest of this post by saying, I don't need you to feel sorry for me, pat me on the back, judge me or do anything. I just can't go on living a lie. It's not who I am. Others can do that in their lives, but until I am honest with myself, I can't be honest with others. And my getting well and living a better life depends on HONESTY!

So once upon a time....... nah. Lol! Just kidding, not THAT long ago. But to start, here's some facts. My mom was a petite person, my dad was not. Mom had a small fame an…

So you bought a bike...........

Yes, yes I did. And I'm so frustrated with many things, having to do with it, and others not. I can't get the comfort issue right, not enough padding, too large of a saddle (bike lingo for seat), the right handle grips, trying to get my distance and speed up, but I can't do that til I remedy the aforementioned issues. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But it's not stopping me from riding some every week at least. I am determined to learn and grow, and get healthier doing this!

Last week was stressful, yesterday was the WORST, and all I could think about was how I NEEDED to be on my bike. I rushed to get my riding clothes on after work and shot out of the driveway, not even stopping til I had gone 2.3 miles and my hands were numb and my lungs were burning. I just NEEDED it. I stopped just before the research fields at the Clemson Research center, just after I'd gone over the creek. The magnolias, honeysuckles and something else were so fragrant. I almost hyper ventilated tr…

QuinWHA?

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Dear McDonalds, CookOut, Little Caesar's, Zaxby's~

I regret to inform you that I must end this relationship we've been having. Yes, I'll admit it, I've been seeing more than one of you at a time. While my taste buds enjoyed your salty fatty foods, my body did not. It's given me an ultimatum that I can't ignore. My knees are screaming at me, my back sends me hate mail, and my blood pressure is threatening a strike. You had me in your grips for way too long, and one of us has to go, so it's going to be me...........

Yep-I'll admit it-I LOVE fast food. Hey, it's fast!  And easy-someone else does the cooking AND the cleaning of the kitchen. All I have to do is give them my money and eat it. I don't even have to walk in their establishment!! Wow-what a fabulous world. Wait, hold up. That shit's killing me!  LEt's see if I can do this right for a change.

Now I am asking the clerk at the store, "Where are the jicama sticks?", or &…

Just like riding a bike.............

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People say this about so may things. If you haven't done something in a long time, and you're intimidated by it, they say, "Oh, it's just like riding a bike!"  How many of you ride bikes? Lol!!  I hadn't been on a bicycle in 29 years when in 2014 I took up riding again with Beka. It was essential to her healing physically and emotionally. And it proved to be therapeutic for me too! We would take off on our bikes, even on the muggiest of evenings and ride for 11 or so miles sometimes. We laughed a lot, especially when one of us would almost fall or wreck. It was a very fun summer and fall.









Then life happened, and due to being so busy with her high risk pregnancy, then caring for Harper, there were much more important things in our lives. After we lost Harper, I sunk into a very very horrible depression. I didn't want to do anything, for much of the time. Along with the emotional weight, came the physical weight as well.  I wanted so badly NOT to be that wa…

An Orphan at 54

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or·phan ˈôrfən/ noun 1. a child whose parents are dead.



Sounds strange right? That at 54 and 59, my sister and I are orphans. I never thought in my younger years about losing both of my parents. Even 13 years ago when I lost my dad, losing my mom was so far from my thoughts. But it's a very strange feeling to know that both of your parents are no longer living.
Granted, my mother was taken from us intellectually long before she was taken physically. So we had a very long goodbye with her.  But you still can never prepare for being without parents. Sometimes I get the feeling that popular thought is that since I am an adult, and my mom was ill for years with Alzheimer's, that my feelings of loss should be less. It's definitely different from losing my grandson at 4 months old, but it's not less.
Things I didn't think about missing while she was still physically here have crossed my mind many times in the last 39 days since she left us. Not ever getting another Christma…

Too many "Me Too"s

Unless you live under a rock, you've read/heard about the claims of sexual harassment and abuse of women by Harvey Weinstein. In an effort to shed a light on sexual harassment and abuse towards women, a movement has begun on Facebook with staggering amounts of people posting simply "Me Too".  First I want to recognize that this doesn't only happen to women, this type of assault and abuse happens to men as well.   It's astonishing to see the amount of people who've posted, also sickening and saddening. 
It's like so many other things, like cancer, Alzheimer's etc. You can be in a room with 100 s of strangers and probably 75% of them have had a similar experience. You just aren't aware because they are strangers.
I don't recall the exact date, but I do recall the day, and moment that repressed memories came flooding into my mind. I was in my mid-thirties,  on my long commute to my job downtown, and a rush or memories came barreling into my mind…