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What the Wizard of Oz taught me.

Last year about this time, I bought a used camera from a photography friend.  It was quite an upgrade from the camera that I had been using, and it was a great deal.  I thought I needed it to somehow improve my photography; maybe it would make my pictures more heartfelt or make people notice them more or make me a better photographer.  I don't do photograph for a living. I do it as a passion because I always said when it became like work it wouldn't be a passion anymore,  and it wouldn't be fun.I kept that camera for a whole year, and I forced myself to use it every chance I got.  On a recent trip to Hawaii I even ONLY took that camera because then I would only have that camera to use.....nothing to fall back on.   I never fell in love with that camera, not the way I loved the one I've been using for years. I had sort of a Dorothy/Wizard of Oz epiphany.  I realized I've had what I needed all the time; it's right here in my heart. You see, I don't want to be…

Returning the favor~

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This time last year my sister was fighting for her life in ICU. She'd developed (what her Dr's referred to as "The Perfect Storm-an unexplainable complete blockage of the iliac artery). No one could say why this occurred, they've even made her a case study for this. She had a TOTAL blockage due to a HUGE blood clot in her iliac artery from her ankle into her groin. Usually this happens due to a chronic condition, but hers happened within days of a 2 part back surgery. After it was determined they had saved her life, there was still concern about the health of her leg and tissue.

Kellie is active and helps so many people, she's an excellent caregiver, has a zest for life, loves to laugh, loves my girl like her own, has ALWAYS been there for me, and will always be if she can. She's a wonderful daughter, sister, mom, grandma, wife, friend, and warrior for God!  My sister Kellie has been the spiritual anchor for me since my mom has developed Alzheimer's and do…

Bits and Pieces

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Yes, it is 12:58am and I have a flight at 6am. But this just hit me. I am headed to see my sweet girl in paradise. She and her hubby are stationed in Hawaii. I could care less where they live, I just want to see them, but I am NOT complaining about having to fly to such a beautiful place!  I just want to be near her and soak her in. Smell her, hug her, listen to her laugh that deep belly laugh and see her smile in person!  As I was putting some things in the freezer tonight, I was reminded of the pictures below, and the feelings this time evoked.

When my grandson Harper was born, prematurely at 3.8lbs and critically ill, he couldn't nurse. So my daughter pumped. And pumped and pumped and pumped. We still had to fortify his feedings with more calories since they were trying to get his weight up. Haper moved to Heaven just over 19 months ago. Last month I did a huge purge of my freezer. I found containers of precious liquid gold breast milk that had been lovingly pumped for Harper, …

Sunny Side Up~

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My sister and I grew up as fair skinned, freckle faced red headed kids, back before sunscreen or skin cancer was much of a concern to anyone. In my 20s I was even more careless by regularly going to tanning beds. But in the last 20 years I've become a religious and faithful user of good sunscreen.  I was careless last weekend and got the worst burn I've had in probably that many years. It resulted in sun poisoning; nausea, chills, blisters and immense pain. Even over 1 week later, I am still getting new blisters!! Did you know that the wonderful tan you think is God's way of making you look better, is actually your body's way of trying to protect your skin from the harmful burning rays!!!  And too much sun/tanning, results in more wrinkles and a leathery appearance to your skin. And just because you "tan well", doesn't mean your skin won't benefit from using sunscreen. It can still help block out harmful rays.

 (In case you don't know how links wo…

Keep Reaching~

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"Meet me halfway!", she said. I mulled it over, and wanted so badly to say no, to tell her that I needed to stay home. But I said yes. It's was actually painful at first, and even since that yes a few days ago, my inner demons have wreaked havoc on my decision.  Those demons said "you can get out of it, tell her you're not feeling well." I know it's the right thing to do. For many reasons. My coworker-turned-good friend is on my side of the Mississippi visiting family. This is her last free day, and she invited me. ME! To come spend the day with her. forget the fact that she has to drive over 4 hours to do it. Another reason I need to do this is because I've become too comfortable.  Depression tricks you that way. It says " Oh go ahead, sleep all day, no one cares. No one will miss your presence, and your body needs it!" Depression cuddles your brain into a comfy ball of believing that nothing is important, that it's just too much work…

Into the light~

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I woke up this morning, well really this afternoon. Depression does that to you, it makes you sleep and time sort of irrelevant. But I woke up feeling a bit different today. The difference is I'm feeling a bit more normal. My new normal, but a lighter feeling. Like the clouds are starting to open up, and the Son is coming out again. Yes, I meant to type SON.  I've said all along since losing Harper that I have no idea how people survive such loss without a relationship with Christ. Or a relationship with some sort of Higher Power. My Higher Power just happens to be Jesus Christ. I decided this morning, instead of my regular country music, for the next 30 days I will only listen to songs about God. Whether they be old or new, they will only speak about God and what He can and does do for me. So the first one that came on when I turned on the music was this one. I LOVE IT! It's called Shoulders by a group called for King & Country. I've only listed the first verse or…

Where does your heart live?

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I know, I know. You're probably thinking, " Well in my chest of course!". No, I'm not talking about it's physical home. I am talking about WHERE does your heart live figuratively speaking. If you asked me right now, I would tell you that I am not sure where, or even how my heart is living. My heart used to live in the area of faith and compassion, with side streets of empathy and love, cul-de-sacs of understanding and belief.  But now all of those areas are under construction. That's what happens when we undergo a life changing event such as the loss of a baby, grandchild or really any one you love more than yourself. Because let's be honest, the people you love more than yourself in this world are very few. So few that they make up such large parts of your heart, that when they leave there are huge sinkholes. Huge, black endless holes that suck and destroy everything that gets close enough to the edge. Losing my grandson Harper created one of those sinkh…