"Meet me halfway!", she said. I mulled it over, and wanted so badly to say no, to tell her that I needed to stay home. But I said yes. It's was actually painful at first, and even since that yes a few days ago, my inner demons have wreaked havoc on my decision. Those demons said "you can get out of it, tell her you're not feeling well." I know it's the right thing to do. For many reasons. My coworker-turned-good friend is on my side of the Mississippi visiting family. This is her last free day, and she invited me. ME! To come spend the day with her. forget the fact that she has to drive over 4 hours to do it. Another reason I need to do this is because I've become too comfortable. Depression tricks you that way. It says " Oh go ahead, sleep all day, no one cares. No one will miss your presence, and your body needs it!" Depression cuddles your brain into a comfy ball of believing that nothing is important, that it's just too much work to go out with friends, and act like you're having fun. It tricks you into a sense of comfort where no one really needs to be comfortable. You sleep, shut out the world, the pain, tears, lost hope, and when you sleep you don't feel so alone. I am grateful the light is winning over the darkness more often than not for me lately. I am actually excited about a day trip to laugh and hang out with a friend. So much so, that I'm going to do more of it. I am making it a goal. Hoping with every positive decision, I will get higher and higher out of the dark.
I owe an apology to those few of my friends who've reached down into my hole to help bring me out. I'm sorry I said no. I am trying to say yes.....I love you for your patience, and for not giving up.
Please, if you recognize someone in a hole, reach a hand out. You may have to reach deep sometimes, but their life is worth living!
I love ya'll~